My Adventure Down Under

Let me begin by saying I need a helicopter. Seriously.

Today is my first helicopter ride! I’m a little nervous about the prospect of flying over the earth with two small spinning blades, but I’ll not pass up the chance. We are flying to Milford Sound, a fjord with a glacier at one end. It empties into the Tasman Sea and is very dramatic in size and topography.

We board the buses for the 15 minute drive to the airport. One half of the group is going by helicopter and one half is going by fixed winged aircraft. The vendor had already assigned aircraft based on our weights and when I looked at the list I discovered that I would be flying BOTH WAYS via helicopter. Seems they couldn’t get the weights to balance and Sue instructed them to put the staff anywhere it would work out.

We gather in the heliport (first time use of that word!) and our tail number is called. We meet our pilot Scott, all of 24 years old, are warned to keep our arms down and not to walk toward the rear of the helicopter, and are escorted to our waiting machine. This is the smallest one on the field. Three passengers max! Everyone else has the larger ones with 6-8 people. He suggest that the couple I’m with squeeze into the front for the best view, thus giving me the entire back seat, about the size of a VW, to myself for photos. Awesome!

We climb in, put on our headphones, and he revs the motor. Liftoff! OMG. This thing is so smooth with only one problem: there is no where for me to hold on to. I resort to gripping the bottom of my seat because I’m terrified. Then I come to my senses and realize I’ll miss all the photos if I don’t get it together. I start taking photos and get more used to the flight. We are flying over the most beautiful mountains called The Remarkables, at about 6000 feet going to 8000 feet. Doing ok at this point. Then he starts flying over the top of the peaks when the shear drop offs on the other side, you know the kind, the ones where you go “ooooo” when you watch them on IMAX.

Scott radios us that we are going to land on the glacier. He swings around the mountain top and find a portion of the glacier big enough to land. Now I know this has been done many times and carefully planned, but it was awesome. His landing was pretty quick in and pulls up the nose. The large helicopters have to come in very slowly. We are allowed out to walk around in the snow in sandals and take lots of photos.

Back in the helicopter it’s more over the peak flying, finally landing at Milford Sound. The ride was 45 minutes and everyone in all the helicopters were crazy about the trip. We bused over to the small lunch cruise ship and cruised the sound. We saw seals and waterfalls. It was on such a grand scale you really had to see another boat in the distance to estimate the height of the fjord walls.

Once we were back to the heliport, I realized that I would be flying with Scott again, in the small, what I like to refer to as the aerobatic stunt helicopter, for reasons I will explain.

On this trip, the husband of the couple in the front had flown Huey’s in Vietnam. He and Scott spent the first part of the trip talking about the differences between then and now. Unbeknownst to me, when we were on the glacier, they decided to give his wife (with me thrown in the middle) a taste of more exciting flying. Instead of the simple takeoff from the glacier, he did a nose dive down the side with a hard bank around a cliff face. He proceeded to scare the crap about of me and the Mrs. No photos were taken on the flight after the glacier landing. I’m not sure any breathing was done on the flight after the glacier either!!

We landed safely back at the heliport and came back to the resort to pack for our flight to Christchurch the following morning.

It was a spectacular day for everyone except for Couple A. Couple A had shipped a bag of dirty laundry from Melbourne to Queenstown, hoping to repack them into the major luggage prior to their US flight. Now this just seemed a bit odd to me, but they have the funding for such a project, so it seemed logical to them. Problem was they didn’t itemize the contents and New Zealand customs rejected the bag and sent it back to Melbourne.

They wanted me to handle getting it sent again, coordinating a delivery day with one of the golf courses we were playing on the ship cruise. Our advice to them was to ship it home, but they insisted they needed it here prior to departing the country. I called the hotel and got their new shipping form faxed to us, called a company Luggage Free who we recommend and got their shipping forms for them to use.

As expected, they wrote their cc number on the firm and gave everything else to me to complete. We faxed to both parties and that was that (or at least we thought so – more about this later).

The good news about packing is that we truck the entire luggage to Christchurch to board the ship. No baggage checking, no limits on weight or quantity, no screening. Packing is pretty easy when you can stuff something full, and then use the hotel dry cleaning bag for the rest!

This morning we held our first of many golf outings with the full passenger list, all 96. It was held at the Millbrook Resort where we are staying. The resort is a former wheat farm and mill. They have preserved many of the original buildings and still have a working water wheel. There is a stream that runs through it (should make a movie out of that!) with lots of ducks and geese. Most everything in the area of Queenstown and Arrowtown are a result of the 1860's gold rush.

My room is in the Village Inn area which are restored laborer housing buildings from the gold rush, very spacious with the stream running under my balcony (down by the old mill street!- couldn't resist). All of the passengers are housed in the villas, newly built upscale buildings above the mill house. Each building on the central property houses reception, bar, restaurant, spa, etc... and are restored to the original rustic glory.

There was a shotgun at 9:30 and my job was to assist people with finding the staging area. Jose and Heidi had already placed all the bags on the carts. Next I was to go to the driving range where the shotgun would originate. After that, I was assigned to marshall speed of play. Basically I just watch the timing of those playing through near the pro shop and encourage those who are not keeping up. We do have some purists who are walking, and one 80 year old who insists on carrying his own bag all 18 holes. He and his wife are remarkable. She actually hugs trees and rocks. She says she communiccates with them and receives energy from them.

Lunch was a grilled barbeque under the trees with venison and lamb burgers. I don't like lamb. I just don't like the taste, but the venison burger was the best venison I have ever had. The species of deer is very diferent down here. It's smaller and farm raised in some areas. I learned it's called Cervena if it's farm raised, and venison if it's wild. All of the food down here is without pesticides and hormones. Boy it really makes a difference in the taste.

At the end of the day, I assisted passengers returing their clubs to their travel cases. Sounds easy but I kept them on pace so well, they all finished at the same time!! When 96 people arrive in carts to unload, it's a bit chaotic, but we made it.

We did a quick dinner in Arrowtown, which reminds me of Park City Utah, but on a smaller scale. Very quaint main street with lots of shops and restaurants. We ate at a pasta and pizza place hoping to escape the passengers and who turned up there too: 6 passengers. Fortunately, they were some of a favorite ones, so it was lots of fun.

I have downloaded the photos to the camera but with the limited internet capabilities, which will be getting more scarce when we board the ship on Wednesday, it's too much for the system to handle.

Tomorrow is the trip to Milford Sound, the fjord. We go there by helicopter and return by fixed wing. It will be my first helicopter ride. I'm very excited!

Wait a second---was there no crisis? nothing gone awry? That's right folks, it was a normal day. Finally!

I'm sure tomorrow will make up for it though. Karma is always lurking behind the next sunrise!

I was packed and downstairs with my luggage at 5:00am. Everyone was instructed to place their luggage outside their door by 5:30 am with bus departure at 6:30am. Both buses arrived and the one bellman on duty and Jim both started going floor by flooor bringing luggage outside. I counted and marked them for confirmation with the passengers. We left the hotel at 6:30 a.m. on the dot and arrived at the airport at 7:00 a.m. Based on the earlier confusion of departure, we hired 3 men to meet us there with the carts and load them. We instructed passengers to wait on the bus and when their luggage was loaded on a cart, we would call them off the bus one by one and they can roll it into the ticketing line.

As I feared, the departure area sidewalk was jammed. It was very difficult to load the luggage, match it up with the golf bags. Then in the middle of everything we were trying, the trolly company came by to fill the trolley machines. I asked them to wait but all I got was a stare. Then the passengers got impatient and started getting off on their own. It was a bit more of a controlled chaos, but not by much. Eventually everyone had their luggage including me and we got in the line. The lines were very short and everyone was checked in and on their way to security in 30 minutes—all except me.

Remember when I told all the passengers about the carry on allowances, 15 pounds and that’s it. Well, I asked about my briefcase and they said it would not clear security so I would have to check it. “The charge for the extra checked bag will be $60 and you will need to go to the next BUILDING to pay that, then return to the line to obtain your boarding pass.” The next BUILDING? You have got to be kidding me. I had no choice, Jim was handling the rest of the passengers to security, so I started walking. I had to go literally to another building but at least there was no line. I paid the money and asked the agent if there was anyone to avoid standing in line again. Fortunately, he said to go to the service desk and they would issue the pass.

It worked and I sailed through security. I arrived at the gate and turns out I was the only one who got stopped. They all had a great laugh about that one. The real reason they didn’t get stopped is they were all traveling on a business or first class ticket and they get to have 2 bags.

We boarded the Air New Zealand flight and departed on time to ChristChurch. It was 3.5 hour flight. So many people said to me they thought New Zealand was right next to Australia. Surprise!!

There was no fog, no delays, like Sue had two days before. This was great! We exited our plane at the same time several other wide body jets from Asia did. OMG. Immigration was a sea of people. There were no lines. I knew there would be stantions eventually but for now, it was a horde. I took a deep breath and thought “we’re in big trouble.” We waited 30 minutes and barely moved.

Did I mention we had a one hour connecting time. Forgot to say that I think.

At this point the passengers began to look at me and ask me simple questions like “are we going to make it?” “what do we do if we don’t make it?” “why aren’t you up at the front of the line telling them we need to get thorugh.” Fortunately, I had spent 48 hours with ½ of these people and they trusted me. I said it would be fine and they started passing the word.

Meanwhile, our ground agent Frank was calling me. He kept asking me where we were in line. I kept saying “where we were 5 minutes ago.” Sue called from New Zealand and she was calling the airlines trying to get us fast tracked. Frank was working on our behalf in the outer hall.

I told the passengers that we had the option of traveling by coach to the resort or spending the night in a hotel and reticketing the following morning. What I didn’t tell them was it was 8 hours on a bus and the city was sold out because of the PGA and Rugby. I kept a smile on my face and began texting Frank and Sue things like “high anxiety in here” “help us!”.

Finally, several passengers said to me “why don’t you go talk with someone about this?” I explained that the only people I could reach from here were immigration people and they don’t care about you , the airlines or your flight. We had people on the outside working on our behalf and they have a better chance of success. I also told them that the New Zealand government doesn’t look kindly on US tour operators working over here anyway. In fact Penny, on cruise #1, was detained and warned at the airport to never try to enter on a pleasure visa, and that next time she should apply for and get a work visa, which is nearly impossible. So I told them to keep quiet and they agreed that was best.

All of a sudden, two Air New Zealand supervisors appeared at the immigration lines and were asked the large group of passengers waiting there who was their tour leader. It took them about 2 seconds to give me up. Not only did they point me out, they loudly said “she’s in charge, she’s the tour leader of our cruise.!” OMG. Traitors! I thought for sure I was on my way back to North Carolina. It was just like the scene in Invasion of the Body Snatchers when she thinks Donald Sutherland is not one of them, and he points at her and a horrible noise emits from his mouth!

Turns out Frank and Sue pushed enough buttons to get things rolling for us, literally. The supervisor said “we are holding your plane for you but you must run, all of you, with your luggage.” I quickly told everyone and we were off. Immigration took 10 seconds for a stamp, and we ran for the luggage area. Let me make this clear: they were running. Supervisors were running. They had already pulled luggage off the belt and all we had to do was put it on cart—if we had a cart! I ran all around looking for some and even a security guard with guns was running to help me. I was tossing golf clubs like they were loaves of bread (super human strength in a crisis!) and everyone was out but me (again). I failed to unload my m&m’s in the amnesty bin. They are strict about food being brought in and it's a $200 on the spot fine. He looked at my candy and I said “look, I really need those to make it through this.” “He said, "from the looks of things, I think you do. Go ahead.” Customs looked at each golf shoe, we rescanned our bags, and came out the arrivals door.

Frank and his staff were waiting and grabbed everyone’s carts and started running. The passengers were running. Ladies in cute shoes ready for the opening reception were running. Men with bad hips were running. Frank waited for me and offered to push me on the cart with my luggage! No need, so I sprinted to the luggage recheck area. They had a team of crew members grabbing our luggage and shoving it into the luggage conveyor. No tags, no looks, no matching up anything, Then the Air New Zealand supervisors began running again. (In hindsight, I think they learned this from their sheep herding dogs. Not one passenger refused to run.)

We ran all the way from gate 1 to gate 11, showed our boarding pass, I got a huge bear hug from Frank, and then walked in a downpour outside to our prop plane. We boarded and they closed the door and started the engines before we were seated. We couldn’t find storage for everyone's carry-ons so we passed them down the aisle, over our heads to the rear of the plane (where we entered) and the last person, me, stuck them anywhere they would fit. The plane was rolling and I was still stowing luggage. I sat down and we were airbourne about 3 minutes later.

OMG.

There was a huge cry of relief and a round of applause for ourselves! There were smiles all around but everyone was exhausted. When they passed out the complimentary water, I didn’t know whether to drink it or pour it over my head!

It was a 50 minute flight to Queenstown, mostly above the clouds. Then about 10 minutes to landing we dropped down and we were in the mountains of The Remarkables, flying delicately between mountains on both sides. It was very windy so it was gliding more than flying, lots of turns, banks as we came down the pass. Everyone was commenting how scary it was, lots of chatter, until we dropped below the clouds. Then silence.

It was unbelievably beautiful. The only other time I have felt this way was the first time I saw the Alps. It was just like television, movies, books. Magnificent. There was no talking. Not a word. Everyone was just stunned at the majesty of the area.

Turns out there are no nighttime flights in/our of Queenstown because of the mountains so you have to take off in time to land before dark. Smart! We landed, taxied to the terminal, and deplaned to get our luggage.

Another thing I didn’t tell them passengers was in my sprint to the finish line (just like The Amazing Race!) I was told we were 450 kilos over on luggage. Some would not be going with us and would be on a cargo plane to Invercargill, another city on the coast. It would then be trucked 3 hours to the resort. Who cares! These people just don’t want to switch hotels and fly again tomorrow.

None of the golf clubs arrived and 5 people had missing luggage. No worries though! We were met at the airport by Heidi, our German tour guide, and Jose, our Portugal tour guide. Both have been with Kalos for a couple of years and were already on the job with the luggage. We were transported to the resort, got our room keys, and hurriedly went to the opening reception.

Sue introduced the staff and when she introduced me as the staff person traveling with the Melbourne folks, I got a round of applause. The story had already been told and it seems I was to receive all the glory. I’ll take it!

Dinner was great and we had a traditional Maori tribe greeting. Similar to Samoa and Hawaii, the indigenous tribes use dance and song, but try to be very fierce in their facial expressions and the body paintings. It was very cool!

I had several people come to the staff table at dinner to thank me for my hard work and to tell Sue that I was the calm they all needed. I think they were just scared of my muscle and brawn after seeing me tossing those golf clubs about!

I unpacked and finally went to bed at 1:30 a.m. I had to be at breakfast a 7am and then a full day of golf for the passengers. I just hope they put me somewhere I can sit in the sun and rest!

Next time we fly direct!

I woke up to clouds and rain. Fortunately, these folks are seasoned travelers and avid golfers, so they are prepared for the arctic tundra or equatorial sweat!

The first group this morning was playing at Huntingdale, home of the Australian Masters. About 30 minutes from downtown Melbourne, it was a beautiful private course. There are few if any courses here that have homes on the course and there are plenty of public courses also.

We hired caddies for everyone. Without carts or motorized trolleys (trundlers) some of these folks just can’t play 18 holes. The caddy company we used was owned by a wonderful guy named Greg. Greg is the kind of guy everyone likes as soon as you meet him. He was waiting with the caddies when we arrived and everyone was paired up, with shoes changed and on the range quickly.

Once they began play, my only duty was to be there at the turn with snacks for them and upon finishing, pay for their lunch in the restaurant. The rest of the time I spent sitting on the bus or reading a magazine or the local newspaper.

I find the local newspaper very entertaining. It’s sort of a newspaper/gossip column. Not much gets by the press down here.

If your name is Tony and you are Italian, you must drive a tour bus in Australia. I think it’s a rule. We have 3 drivers for the coaches, Tony, Tony, Tony, and Frank. Very funny! One of the “Tony’s” is a cousin of the late Sonny Bono. (grandfathers were brothers).

Midway through the first nine, the head pro came to me to say one group was playing too slowly. We had alerted the course to that possibility early on. Even though the average age of the passengers is 68, we do have some 79 and 80’s. Two of them in particular are repeat customers so we are prepared for them. The pro suggested that in order not to be “mowed down” by the groups behind them, he blank out the next 3 tee times to give them some cushion. That cushion was gone by hole #3.

He spoke with the passenger about his speed of play, and was told you can stick your speed of play where the sun don’t shine. He might be older, but he’s got spunk! The pro suggested I speak when him at the turn.

I did and was met with the same statement. Greg also instructed his caddies to encourage their movement as best they can and to suggest skipping a hole if needed. (Incidentally, on the first cruise here last week, there was one passenger that was barely able to walk and as a result, our owner Jim had to tell him he and his wife could not play golf on the trip. They understood and were quite happy to accompany the group to the course, hit some balls, putt some and sit on the porch and watch everyone come in).

Foursome #1 finished 4.25 hours, following by Foursome #2 and to our amazement, Foursome #3 was in sight right behind them. They were met at the clubhouse with cheering from the other passengers. Turns out that the more I get to know the Grumpy Old Man, the more I like him. He’s has a very dry wit and is not so bad underneath. Some of the ladies were talking about shopping and he said that he’s convinced that Heaven will be a great short game and Hell is 7 rounds of golf followed by daily shopping!

While I was sitting on the bench at the 18th hole, many members stopped to say hello and chat. They are very interested in who you are and are eager to offer you their suggestions on where to eat, and what to do. Two little fellows in a cart (turns out you can have a cart here if you practically paid for the course construction and are over 80!) came by. They introduced themselves and we chatted about Kalos and the area. They were just like Chip and Dale and I got a sense that they are at the course everyday. When we were finished there was a groundskeeper watering the green. He looked just like Bill Murray from Caddyshack which made me laugh. One of the old guys said “is that the new greens keeper?” “Yes, that’s the new guy; Trevor’s the name I think.” “No, it can’t be Trevor, that’s the previous guy, tall lanky fellow.” “Yes yes you’re right. This guy’s name is Reggie.” “We should introduce ourselves.” “Yes, let’s!” Then off they went to meet the new greens keeper.

After lunch we returned and everyone had the evening off. I had lots of paperwork to do so I worked in the room and had room service.

While all this is going on, Sue traveled to New Zealand. She had the exact same flights we will use on Saturday. Melbourne to ChristChurch to Queenstown. She missed her connection in ChristChurch because the airport was overrun with people. Auckland was fogged in and all the jumbo jets arriving from Asia for Chinese New Year travel were diverted there. There weren’t even any carts for her to use to clear customs. AND it was the last flight of the day to Queenstown. AND the PGA NZ was in town for tournament. AND it was the Annual Rugby Festival. AND there were no hotels to be found. She managed to locate something near the airport, she claimed it was formerly someone’s old house. She called me in a panic.

What if this happens on Saturday? There is a direct flight but it departs at 7:40 a.m. We would have to collect their luggage at 4:00 a.m. I spent about 2 hours on the phone with Air New Zealand, our ground operator, private jet companies, train services, everything but horseback was considered. Jim made the final decision to keep things “as is” and hope it works. If not, we will attempt to find lodging and attempt to get on flights the next day. Sue and I would prefer to hire coaches if it happens and drive people the 8 hours to avoid another airport transit with their bags and unpacking yet another night. The ground operator said we probably couldn’t stay at the same hotel, and since I’m the only staff person traveling with them, I would have to coordinate their trips to their hotel, their flight rebookings, their transit back to airport and checking bags again. Pray for clear skies!!!!!!!

In chatting with the caddies they told me of the “footy” game on Friday night in the stadium downtown, which seats 128,000! It’s a pre-season game and tickets are only $17.50 for the cheap seats. Its Australian football rules and is one of the most popular sports here with cricket and soccer (football). They said its lots of fun and about a 15 minute walk from the hotel or a free trolley ride from downtown. I’m going to try to go if I don’t have duties.

Tomorrow is another golfing day so more of the same.

Sue and I met for breakfast again in the hotel restaurant. They have a triple level restaurant with a breakfast buffet, open kitchen, and bar on the bottom level. Very cool. The breakfast is awesome once you figure out what things are called. They know me after 5 days so far, so the server automatically gets me a diet coke! The fruit is wonderful and they typically have 6 different juices available.

We took a cab to the airport and discovered the flight was now 1 hour late. We did some people watching and I talked with a very nice fellow and his crew of divers. He is a boss on one of those off-short drilling rigs. He works one month here, then one month back home in Texas. He did this for several years in Angola (flying via Lisbon to and fro) and said that it’s good money, tax free, if you can stand the schedule.

Everyone arrived at the airport and were taken to the bus, all except two folks whose golf bags were not to be found. These are large travel cases and they pack all sort of luggage inside, so it’s a real problem when they are missing. I took their claim ticket and spent the rest of the day off and on tracking the progress of their bags.

Sue and I did some more work on golf pairings and checked the reception setup.

We held our welcome reception at 6:30 pm and met everyone. They were all very nice and wanted to know when they were going to see kangaroos! We later found out there are services that will bring kangaroos to your meetings. I want to book one of the big red ones next time.

We then walked to dinner at a nearby place. There are many restaurants within walking distance and though they might not look so great on the outside, they are just fine inside. You just have to know where to go.

I needed to affix two more tags to the clubs so I found Timmy (remember Timmy?) to unlock the private storage room. When I did, all the clubs were gone except 4! I said “Timmy, where are my golf clubs?” He said “I pulled them for your golf outings tomorrow and took them upstairs.” At this point I had two choices: I could strangle Timmy, or just admit defeat. While I admit the sight of Timmy’s eyes rolling back into his head would have been awesome, I decided to have him move the other 4 bags to the other area. Of course, I had to reorganize them because our separate stacks were no longer viable. I had to notify the bus company of the new location and notify all the passengers of the new loading area. I like Timmy. Timmy’s helpful, he smiles a lot. No moss grows on Timmy. He’s always looking for something to do.

I wonder how the Timmy-factor will affect the luggage on Saturday?

The rest of the night was spent checking on the missing golf bags. At midnight, the internet stated they were located at the airport and would be scheduled for delivery. Which airport? DFW, LAX, AKL, or MEL? Never did get an answer so we’ll hope better results for tomorrow.

Finally went to bed about midnight.

Tomorrow is a full day of golf at two courses.